A very persuasive essay for a Monday morning

After extensive research and conducting a poll of millions between the ages of 18-49, I have concluded that everyone in England knows someone who knows Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay. Everyone. And if not, then everyone knows someone who knows someone who knows Chris Martin. For example, you know me, and I know someone who knows Chris Martin. In fact, I know three people who each know someone who knows him. An ex boyfriend of mine's brother went to school with him (and the rest of the band, but that is much less exciting), a roommate's ex girlfriend knows the manager, and (by far a better connection than the others) a girl I work with DATED him. Like before he married Gwyneth. Which is BADASS, Annie. And a man on BBC3 went to school with Mr. Martin, so whoever knows that guy, knows someone who knows him. In conclusion, it is evident by the arguements that I have just made, along with the compelling examples given, that everyone in the UK somehow knows Chris Martin. Of Coldplay.

Riverside Esporta

The path down which I walk to work every morning is designed to test every one of my fears. On this path I have encountered giant spiders in even bigger webs, rabid dogs, shady characters, darkness, and slugs eating dog poo. Spiky branches catch on my clothing as I tread lightly by, attempting to miss the slimy creatures lazing on the path in front of me. Not everyone is as careful as me, so the poor disgusting things are massacred over the pavement, their guts strewn about by stray shoes and fast peddling bicycles. It's a gruesome scene, really. And the smell... the smell is something awful. It's the smell of rot.

And please tell me HOW I manage to take 90 minutes to get to work, when at any other time of day it would only take 15?